There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dick very happy bro
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize