I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
