Buhtt sex?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
