Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize