after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
