I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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