Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She even gives head with a lisp.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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