Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
