I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
