JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
