I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize