I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
