did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
