We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
