she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
