I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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