I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize