if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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