Someone shit on the floor
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
