Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
