Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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