i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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