Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
