I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
