U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
