do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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