My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
