I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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