Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize