The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
