did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
