i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
