i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
