I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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