I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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