just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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