We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
