we have pet lesbian snakes
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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