Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
