he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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