Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize