pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
