Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
