did you get engaged???
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
