One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
