Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
