Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
