It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
