who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
