She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
