I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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