i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
