no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
