I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize