it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize