you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Randomize
