I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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