So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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