with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I woke up under a house in Key West
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
