Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize