Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
