i dont even know how to be here
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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