watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
