sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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