Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
