i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
