I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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