Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
