I'm gonna have a badass scar
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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