how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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