you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
no you cant smoke seaweed
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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