Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize