it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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