I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
