im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
